Day One

Only military wives truly understand the insanity of the last day before a deployment. I have no other military wives to talk to at the moment, though. It has started. Every one is different. This time, I have two children instead of one. I am mostly past potty training, but not quite. My oldest has conscious memory of this event and probably always will.  The child understands that daddy is gone for a very long time. It will be hard. It always is. 

Also,my employers, despite their military affiliation, are acting like heartless assholes. I get no sympathy from any quarter there.  Although, that’s pissing me off more than anything else. It is also tempting me to be vindictive. I’m trying to reign in those instincts. At least a little bit.  

I don’t want to talk to anyone anyway, I tell myself. Especially since most of my friends aren’t here and wouldn’t understand. I want to crawl into a hole like I always do when I feel isolated and alone. Curling up into a ball while the kids are asleep will have to suffice. I really just need to go to sleep and wake up to tomorrow – the first of many lonely days for the better part of the next year. 

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